Encouragement can come from the most unexpected places. In this case, from a wild animal that had every right to respond to the "fight or flight" instinct, and take off running before I had even noticed his existence. But he didn't.
In truth, my fear that he would suddenly jump in front of my vehicle, or take off before I could turn on my camera seemed to be exponentially greater than any he had of me. He seemed to be just as content to watch me, as I was to watch him. The clicking of the camera shutter had him moving his ears to and fro, but never did it appear to cause him any serious alarm. Veritably, the deer understood my desire to have him model for me in this impromptu photo shoot, and graciously changed positions several times while remaining in the exact same spot for over 10 minutes.
It wasn't until I put my camera down that he slowly walked away. His beauty, grace and poise had me captivated until he vanished. His fearlessness still has me captured.
Now as for me....
New job, new city, new social circle..... yep, here comes the fear. Or so I expected. Change isn't usually easy for me, however I fully trusted God, and that this is where I was suppose to end up. And because of that, the fear never came. In fact, this change will probably be the easiest one of my life, and I'm not only excited about it, but am becoming quite anxious for it to happen.
But these are the kinds of fears that we are expected to face, and overcome throughout our lives. The knowledge that others have, and will continue to face them somehow makes it slightly easier to face them as well. However,bridges are something else.
Since the age of three, travelling across one (especially on foot) brought about so much fear that a panic attack would ensue. Racing heart, shortness of breath, trembles so bad it was difficult to keep moving. And tears. Lots of them. It went beyond fear to a full-fledged phobia. Size didn't matter - big or small, it brought the same reaction. The older, wooden ones were probably the worst though - the thought that a single, rotten plank could cause me to crash through to the (undoubtedly) cold water below was almost incapacitating. An embarrassing fear that required me to warn friends I was travelling with because there would be no hiding my discomfort from them - no matter how hard I tried.
But that was before I learned to put my fears - ALL of them - in God's hands.
Psalm 56: 3-4
When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?
If the Lord can protect me from every evil imaginable - including death - then why should I fear a simple bridge? A pretty basic question, but one that took me a long time to consider, and even longer to realize that the answer was "I shouldn't". So I put my trust in Him and stepped out on to the bridge to take a picture. And another. And another.
Although a simple feat for most, it took a big breath and an even bigger prayer for courage for me to take these steps. And I'm glad I did. With photography, the slightest change of angle can dramatically change a photo from a "nice snapshot" to an awe-inspiring image. A whole four feet on the bridge allowed me to see things from an entirely different view - and I don't just mean from behind the camera lens. I could have spent the entire time worrying that I was going to have a panic attack, but instead was thankful for the ability to see things from a new angle. And eventually I even stopped thinking about the fact I was on a bridge. The reward for trusting Him with my fears was well worth the immense effort that first step took.
Praying that we can all find the strength to trust God with our fears, and that we can appreciate the rewards He gives us when we do.
